By Maria Garner
For family members seeking help or guidance, call Maria direct at 614-324-5404
It can be much simpler to pinpoint the symptoms than identify the disease.
This phenomenon may be one explanation for some of the conclusions of recently released research about spouses married to people addicted to gambling. The study, published in the November 2015 edition of The Journal of Gambling Issues, found that neither party in the relationship believed gambling represented the primary problem facing their family.
Instead, they said financial stability worried them the most — a statement echoed in the conclusions of at least four prior studies dating back to 1993.
This perspective makes sense in many ways. Pathological gambling can devastate a family’s finances, jeopardize their mortgage, drain retirement savings and damage their ability to secure even the basics for themselves and their children.
Further, money causes a great deal of conflict. The gambler resist and even resents attempt to control his or her spending. The non-gambler, already struggling with the harsh reality that their security hangs in the balance, finds their struggles compounded when they finally learn the depth and breadth of the financial consequences.
Many report feeling totally shocked to learn how much has been lost. We often hear, “I had no idea he/she was gambling and to what extent.” As reality sinks in, anger and a sense of betrayal rise to the surface. Spouses may literally rage when realizing that their loved one has been lying and covering up the consequences.
Pathological gamblers distort the truth so they can continue their addictive behavior. We know of incidents in which those trapped in this disease resort to stealing from employers and other family members. And, in many of these cases, the moment the gambler is caught and fired and/or indicted for theft turns out to be the same moment that the spouse learns the full extent of the deception.
As one said, “The day he was put on administrative leave for allegations of theft was the day I found out he had been gambling. I was completely devastated.”
Even in cases where spouses know something about the gambling, many still are heartbroken and overwhelmed when they learn the full extent of what was spent.
No wonder disappointment and anger surface. And, no wonder financial issues overshadow the disease of pathological gambling in the eyes of those most directly impacted by it.
Family members and gamblers can better manage these situations and at least protect their assets going forward. We work with credit counselors and other professionals to help create useful strategies for coping with these issues, such as closing down the gambler’s access to credit cards and bank accounts, setting and living within budgets and other steps.
Research also dating to 1993 found that as many as ten other people were affected by one person’s gambling addiction. Just as a physician prescribes antibiotics for pneumonia and pain relievers and cough suppressants for its symptoms, Maryhaven seeks to alleviate the pressures resulting from gambling addiction, and deal with the root cause.
While it’s impossible to insulate family members entirely, we can work together to relieve the symptoms and treat the disease.
